Potential

Potential is something that’s really been on my mind lately, and I think it’s because I don’t feel that I’m completely living up to my fullest. Funny though, because I don’t know if anybody really is…but in an attempt at self-improvement I came up with these few thoughts the other night as I was trying to fall asleep. I remember watching an old Simpsons episode where Homer, in attempt to improve sales in Marge’s self-owned pretzel making business, makes a deal with Fat Tony and the mafia to get rid of the competition. Marge’s ex-business partners-turned-rivals respond by hiring the Japanese mafia…fondly known as the Yakuza to even the odds a bit. At the end of the episode there’s an epic mafia war between the Italians and the Japanese. As they’re watching, Homer notices a guy just standing there, arms folded, not moving and dressed all in white. Marge ushers the family quickly inside to avoid confrontation, but Homer complains, commenting that you know the guy in white is gonna do something amazing and he wants to watch. Sure enough, just as they get inside the house you hear his battle cry followed by the sound of someone undoubtedly getting their butt kicked by a well-trained martial artist.

In a roundabout way, I wouldn’t think it uncommon for many of us to want to be like the super ninja in white. When the time comes for performance, no matter the circumstance, we want to be able to perform in the absolute best way we can, and should the need arise to kick some butt…so be it. I love the implications of such a person, because if you think about it, he would have to have an immense amount of self-control to contain all that raw power, and channel it in a direction of his choosing. He’s like some mega energy converter (MEC). Martial arts aside, I think that any skill or personality trait is that way. Inside all of us is a massive amount on energy, albeit in a dormant state. Through training and practice we can learn to convert such dormant energy into active and useful energy.

It’s like learning to throw a baseball. If you practiced throwing every day for six months you would undoubtedly see improvements in your results. However, the nature of throwing a baseball itself has not changed, only your ability to do so.

So then there’s the tricky part. I’ve been tr

ying to figure out the best way to convert that potential energy, into useful and active, perhaps even kinetic energy. How do we become MEC’s ourselves? If I’ve learned anything then really it’s that there is no secret, at least not in the traditional sense where a secret pathway will get you to your destination with little or no effort. Sorry, there are no warp zones in real life. Nor are there cheat codes. That’s actually a good thing though. Just like it’s been discussed before, many times we need the journey to help us prepare for destination.

Humor me for a second, because I’m going to continue using the video game metaphor.

Usually throughout a video game the protagonists gains more abilities and skills with experience. You start out as a simple character with a few basic moves, but the longer you play the game, the more abilities you get, and the stronger you become. The simplest game I can think of to back up my point is

Zelda…any of them will do. You start out with a basic sword and shield and three hearts, but as the game progresses you gain access to bombs, boomerangs, bow and arrows, etc…each item needed in a particular scenario to beat the game.

Honestly our lives are not too much different than that. The more time we spend playing the game, or developing a skill, the more return we get out of it, the better we are at it, and the more adaptation we have in using it in various scenarios.
I was watching the Prestige the other day (SPOILER ALERT…but honestly if you haven’t seen that movie by now you’re way behind), and you see an old Asian man perform a magic trick. Immediately the protagonists try to think of ways of how he was able to do it. The only rational answer, however, would imply that the old man had immense strength, yet when watching him walk he was feeble and required constant assistance, even after the show was over. It’s rather clever foreshadowing, alluding to the rationale that one could be so devoted to their art, so passionate towards the idea that their life was constantly a stage that they would spend their entire lives “performing”. And why not? “All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players”. If we had such devotion towards a good and worthy goal, would that not lead us all to a great and new heights?

Think of Star Trek: First Contact. Captain Picard tells a man in the

21st century that Starfleet was formed after mankind was able to put aside their differences, and devote their time and energy to the common good…which therefore maximized mankind’s potential, at least as far as space travel goes. Granted that that idea is a bit idealistic, nevertheless the desire to go where no man has gone before transcended men’s petty differences and led to the establishment of the greatest accomplishment of mankind in the 24th century. What if we had such passion, dedication, and motivation as those in Starfleet? Perhaps we’ll never see that happen to our civilization, but many inventions we call necessities today came from the hands of such dedicated individuals, anomalies in a broken system.

So here it is…my epiphany. In order to become the white ninja (not to be confused with the white power ranger…stupid Tommy, stealing Kimberly from Jason) I have to not only work and train hard, increasing my level of self-discipline, but I have to be emotionally invested…fully dedicated. It’s the only way to maximize the rate of converting that potential energy we all have, into a skill or attribute that we desire. It’s two mechanism’s working together, the mental and the physical. If one isn’t working as hard as it should then the other tries to compensate…leading to fatigue and problems down the road. The opposite is true too, however. If both mechanisms are working as they should then there’s a synergistic sort of effect that can readily lead to greatness. To quote a line from one of my favorite motivational speakers…

”see you at the top” - Zig Zigler

Inspiration Comes in the Strangest of Places

Video games and dating life usually don’t intertwine, and that’s most likely for the best. That’s not to say I don’t like girls that are into video games…for I very much am…I’m just saying when I want to take someone on a romantic date I’m not gonna bust out my game boy color and show her my pokemon collection. (not really fair, I haven’t played pokemon since 6^th grade but you get the point.) However, every once in a grand while the video game universe does give some applicable advice as to the more emotional side of us men.

For the past few weeks, maybe even months, I’ve been feeling rather apathetic when it comes to dating and relationships. Every time I’ve put myself out there I just get stressed and frustrated…mostly due to my deep-thinking, over-analyzing self. Then after a while I build myself up, put myself out there again and repeat the process over completely. Insanity right? I know! It’s like a never-ending rollercoaster, and to combat such an emotional ride I’ve tried not caring…enter apathy. Now I know it’s not an ideal solution...but it wasn’t without its charms. After all…It worked. I was no longer stressed, confused, or frustrated. Dating life was a giant MEH…

Then I had an epiphanic moment. (Yeah, I know that’s not a word, but it really should be. It’s really fun to say.) And of all to places to realize such a thought, it happened while playing a video game. The original Super Mario bro’s to be exact.

Your everyday, ordinary plumber sets out to save the princess who was taken hostage by the evil Bowser, King of the Koopas. Honestly, what guy doesn’t have some dream about rescuing his damsel in distress? At the end of every level you battle against Bowser thinking that you’ve saved the princess…only to have Toad tell you that your princess is in another castle. It’s messed up! Here we are, after putting in all this time, effort, and energy into saving whom we thought was the princess, only to find that you’re still 6 worlds away. That’s when I had my thought. It was right there on the screen, and for a brief moment the life I live in video games and dating combined to provide some sort of synergistic epiphany written in tiny 8-bit letters. “My princess is in another castle.” That means that she’s out there, somewhere at least…and that even if I have to beat 8 worlds to find her, then it will be worth it in the end. Many of us have been and will continue to go through multiple levels, finding out that the one we were saving, the one we were putting forth our time and efforts towards, was in fact not your princess, but that she is still in another castle.

That’s ok though, because when you finally do reach the last level and find princess peach, you’ll realized how you really weren’t ready for the game to be over on level 1 anyway, and that’s it’s taken your adventures to really appreciate the genius of the game designer.

...there's more to come

Wow, my bad guys.

They changed the way they filter our internet at work, which was where I wrote most of my articles and stories, so now I have to come up with some other ways to do it. I promise some good stuff is to come though...such as:

- a few thoughts on why Opportunities are never lost
- what I learned from a short bout of apathetic living
- why I think I'm turning into an old man

and I'm sure I'll get some more dating stories in there as well.

In the meantime, for all three of you out there...make sure to check out some new pics I posted on facebook and cdeskins.photoshop.com...they're from the Sugar House firework show and I'm pretty happy with the way a lot of them turned out.

Washington D.C.

So if you're reading this right now then obviously you know that I have a blog. Haha, surprise surprise. Well what you probably don't know is that I have another site that I'm starting up where I hope to post a lot of my pictures. I recently posted a few pics from my vacation in Washington D.C. there so check it out.

In case you missed the link it's cdeskins.photoshop.com

I've only posted a few there (40 or so from D.C.) and have a ton more on my laptop, so if you'd like to see those as well then you'll have to let me know.

Enjoy!

I'm Never Eating Chili Again

I hate being sick. Not fake sick where you stay home from school or work to play video games or watch TV, but really being sick. It sucks. You don't want to do anything, sleeping is a chore, and you're usually bored out of your mind.

Yesterday I must have eaten something pretty bad because I didn't feel too well at all. Nevertheless I went with my friend Parker to pick up something from his brother's house. Turns out he wasn't feeling to well either. It reminded me of a story of something that had happened to us in high school.

(fair warning, this is a vomit story...so stop here if you don't wish to go on)

One of our friends had just received some award for a writing contest. As part of the awards ceremony they had dinner at golden corral...the buffet restaurant. He invited Parker and I to come along, I can't remember why but food is food so of course we went.

They say that pride is the downfall of man. I'm inclined to agree...or at least if it's not his downfall it will make him miserable...for Parker and I had to see who could eat more that that buffet, and my man-pride would not let me lose. Somewhere around the 3rd or 4th plate I started to feel the pressure of a full stomach. Did I stop? Of course not...I would only be finished when Parker was unable to continue. That's how man-pride works. It's a complete "anything you can do I can do better attitude". Comes in handy for sports, not so much in nutrition of digestion. I believe it was the 5th or 6th plate that did it. I had won. I felt alright too. I mean, as well as you can feel after eating probably 2 days worth of food in one sitting.

Slowly I got into my friend's car, his dad drove...so it was my friend that had won the award and his dad in front and Parker and I in the back. We started the long drive home when my stomach let me know that it wasn't doing too good. We pulled to the stoplight and I said the quintessential line, "I think I'm going to throw up."

Nobody believed me.

I tried opening the door as quickly as I could as it all came out. I'd have to say I did pretty darn good under the circumstances, but in all fairness I'd have to say I was 50% accurate. Half going outside the car...the other half inside. Yeah, I know...insanely gross. That's not the reason I'm telling this story either, but rather it was what happened after that made the event so memorable.

Here I am, dangling outside of a car at a stoplight having just puked my guts out after eating 6 full plates of food, and I hear a roar of screams coming from the car next to ours. I slowly lift my head only to find a car full of beautiful girls our age staring in disgust at what had just happened. I didn't know how to react so I did the only thing that seemed normal. I smiled at them. Now I'm sure that had to be extremely attractive, but the looks on their faces was priceless. I bet the only logical explanation as to my behavior was to tell themselves that I was drunk.

Well we drove to a gas station on the corner and cleaned it all up and all was well. I've since wondered if my friends dad will remember me as the kid that threw up in his car. I think I'd remember if one of my son's friends did something like that.

White and Nerdy

I really wish that I could stake claim of creating this hilarious chart, but I can't. I simply came to it in my daily reading.

If I were to make an honest assessment of myself using this diagram as a guide I'd have to place myself as a Dork or a full on Nerd. I don't consider that a bad thing at all. My favorite part of this chart though, is the social ineptitude qualifier.

I was in a conversation the other day with a friend and we were talking about nerdy people. Now, I use nerdy to signify people that have a love for gaming, sci-fi, technology, math, anything which would just seem...well nerdy. You see them all the time, and to be honest they scare me to death. Often they smell bad, have horrible social skills, and are so detached from the norms of human interaction that they basically become a leech on society (I know some of you are thinking names...I'm not (at least, I'm trying not to), this is a generalization). Now I'm not scared of what they do or what they like, but rather that our interests are so similar that I'm afraid I'll become one of them, or worse off...that I already am. I confess. I'm a fan of Star Wars, Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, Dungeons and Dragons, and everything else that makes nerds across the globe buy extra elastic underwear for fear of an atomic wedgie from some jerky jock. Don't judge me.

I realized something though that temporarily let me regain some composure. As much as I like playing video games, submersing myself into a world of sci-fi, or reading up on the latest technological battle (apple vs. google for example), I've been able to maintain a pretty decent and productive lifestyle. I have a full time job, I'm still attending school, I've been playing basketball, golf, and soccer each week, I have a lot of great friends (couldn't tell that from this blog...all 3 of you that read it, haha), and have continued to be active at church. Now that's only a small list of things that I do, and I've previously shown how I use my time each week, and I'd have to say I feel quite productive.

I think that's were some of social stigma towards nerdiness comes from. It's not necessarily the fact that nerds like science fiction, playing games, etc... It's that they let those things take over their lives. You've heard horror stories of people that play computer games so much that they've taken on alternative virtual identities, neglecting their basic needs such as social relationships, diet, and even personal hygiene.

Gross. Please don't let me become like that.

As has been mentioned before, everything needs to have proper balance. I feel it's perfectly acceptable (and necessary) to enjoy some relaxing recreation for both the body and mind, and if that's watching some star trek, playin' a little D&D, or heck...building an arcade, then that's OK by me...as long as it's kept in moderation and doesn't detract from your other obligations and responsibilities as a human being. Maybe I should start an advertising campaign..."Game Responsibly".

Nah...

The Best things in Life are Free (even dessert)

So the other night I went through the drive-thru at Kneaders bakery. Not only do they make fantastic sandwiches, but their desserts are great too. I mean, anything that tastes that good is probably a sin. Which is why I don't go there often, it's an illusion. I get a sandwhich instead of a hamburger and feel I'm being healthy, only to be blown away by the 1400 calorie brownie. Ok, so I have no idea how many calories are in their desserts, but it has to be a ton. Couple that with a side of potato chips and you have one ellusive healthy meal.

That being said I still love kneaders. After what happened last week I love it even more. As I said, I went through the drive-thru and had the following conversation with the girl working there. Oh, Parker was with me too to vouch for it's validity.

"Welcome to Kneaders, what can I get for you tonight"

'I'd like a...a...where's it at? Oh there it is, a club. and instead of the bread it comes on can I get it on Focaccia bread (see left...it's fantastic)?'

"You sure can"

'Sweet, let's put that in a combo as well, the one with the drink and dessert'

"Ok, what would you like as your dessert?"

'oh boy, what's good, and you can't say everything...'

"I'd go with a brownie or a cookie"

'do you guys still have your german chocolate brownies?'

"We do, those are my favorite"

'I'll take one of those then'

"good choice, and what would you like to drink?"

'I'm thinking Dr. Pepper'

"Sounds good, your total is ...."

so I finishi my order pull forward to the window and all that jazz

Pretty normal conversation right? Well when I get there the girl smiles and hands me my drink.

"you're our customer of the day so you get a free large drink and an extra brownie"

So I thank her and we go along our merry way all smiles. Then we realized what I had just done. I flirted my way into a free brownie. At least that what we'll tell ourselves. I didn't know I had it in me, yet there I was...holding two german chocolate brownies for the price of one.

Now there are endless possibilities of why the situation panned out as it did. Perhaps I was given the free brownie because they were closing up shop and had an extra. Maybe it was because it had fallen on the floor. Who knows, maybe they really did have a customer of the day counter and I happened to be the lucky chap. Maybe she saw Parker in the car and thought he was cute and wanted to give him a brownie too. Perhaps I ordered the ultimate combination by changing my bread in combination with the german chocolate brownie. In the end I suppose the best answer is who cares. Either way I got an extra brownie (yes, I gave it to Parker) and we were both laughing from the whole situation.

Anywho, I'm going to keep telling myself that I flirted my way into a free dessert. Why not right? Next time you're at kneaders give it a whirl. BTW, the club on focaccia bread is fantastic.

Update: So I recently went to Kneaders and saw a sign that almost made me cry. "Buy a pastry get one free after 8 pm". Dang it all...perhaps I wasn't as flirty as I had hoped. Oh well.

Ripped Pants and Fallen Petals

I suppose I owe you guys another one of these stories (and by you guys I refer to all three of you, haha). I'm pretty sure it happened junior year, but I'm not entirely sure. That's OK though, when and where in this story though don't amount to nearly as much as how and why. It was another school dance, let's go with junior prom (I think...?). I asked a girl in my ward. We were just friends, but to be honest I didn't know her very well...just that she was pretty shy. I was sure we'd have a fun time though. We did too, just a more painful fun than I expected.

We went sledding at Murray park. It's over just east of State St. on 5400 S. It has a few decent hills and one really nice one. It's also a great place to go ice-blocking or setting up a giant slip-n-slide in the summer (that's another story entirely). So we have our group of about 12-14 people. We're going down with tubes, toboggans, plastic sleds, inflatable furniture...you name it. Oddly though, my date wouldn't go down the hill. I didn't know if she was afraid, shy, or even rebellious, but there was nothing we could do to get her to go down the hill. She made sure I went down though, because she could tell I really wanted to. She just liked watching.

Well we kept sledding, the whole while my date would be at the top of the hill giving people a nice boost and enjoying everything in observation. We all decided to have one last big run before heading out, everybody going down together, but she still didn't go. We all made it to the bottom. Somehow I was closest to the hill after the decent and stood up to watch all of my friends who were now away from the hill.

I then hit the ground hard.

I must have blacked out for a second because I had no idea what happened. I woke up laying on the ground looking up (seems to be a theme with snow and me). Apparently my date was leaving the best for last and decided with everyone leaving she'd finally go down the hill. I wasn't looking towards the hill when she came down and she took out my legs going very fast. As I got up and stumbled around disoriented, (btw, she felt horrible) it was pointed out to me by caring-and-not-laughing friends (I wish there was a font for sarcasm) that my pants had ripped at the seam...the whole way. Looking back, she had to have hit me very hard, going very fast. I easily had 80 lbs. on her. We had one of those sleds that was basically a thin, flexible slab of plastic. I wrapped it around my waist to cover my nakedness. I still remember the weird looks people were giving us (OK, giving me) and how funny all of my friends thought it was.

I waddled my way back to the car, dropped her off and went home to change. I wish the story ended there, but it doesn't.

I'm an idiot. I'll prove it.

The dance was at the state capitol. We went and had our pictures taken, did a bit of dancing, and were just having a good time. Well we're all standing in a big circle and I decided to mimic the hilarious rantings of one of my favorite comedians, Jeff Birk. Don't bother googling him, nothing will come up. He's and LDS actor that's in Singles Ward, The R.M., Saint and Soldiers...not big roles, but he's there. Anyway, he does this bit where he takes the side of his suit coat and starts flapping it back and forth in front and behind him. I was showing our big group, but foolishly chose the wrong side of my tux. I chose the side that my boutineer was on and as I was flapping my suit the petals started to fly everywhere. My date looked horrified. At first I thought it was because I was acting retardedly...I later found out that her mom had made the boutineer by hand and had spent quite some time on it.

My bad.

Watching the petals fall was like watching the beast's time grow shorter as the rose slowly withered away. It was my turn to feel horrible.

She forgave me though, and we had a fun rest of the evening.

To this day I wonder if she remembers any of that date. Perhaps I should ask, like high-five girl, she might not have even thought twice about the days events. Then again, it might be the reason we never went out again...haha. Guess I'll never know.

I really, really like making things.

Building, repairing, creating, designing, fixing, etc... They all bring joy to my soul. I think that's why I involve myself in so many different projects. The problem is I work on so many different things and there's so little time that I often forget of things I'm working on! That's where time-management has often been my best friend, or my worst enemy. Recently I did a sort of self-assessment and measured how the 168 hours of my week are spent. I was intrigued. It's fairly accurate, though some categories blend together, like entertainment and social life often happen at the same time, so it's not absolute.

Excess time is the error margin, time that can spill into any of the other categories to compensate for variable change. It's pretty interesting to see where the time goes. Back to building...using this model means on average I spend anywhere from 2-10% of my time each week on miscellaneous projects. These projects involve building my arcade machine, a USB charger made from an Altoids can, a UV light box for night sports, a small recording studio, and readying my paintball arsenal just to name a few. I just think it's incredible that I'm able to fit so many little projects into my week and still have time for everything else. Speaking of time-management in general though, I wonder if any of my categories are mis-favored, either by spending too much time on them, or not enough.

I'm surrounded by greatness

Well, maybe I should change that to I'm surrounded by great friends. Friends that have their priorities straight, are well educated, intelligent, intuitive, accomplished, and overall just really fantastic people. I'm extremely grateful for them. It used to have a detrimental effect on me though. Odd I know, but constantly seeing the great accomplishments of those around me, whether it be school, work, athletics, or church would lead me to think of my own short-comings and failures. In one way it's a form of pride. Not from the top looking down, but from the bottom looking up, resenting that I wasn't better than I felt I should be. Fortunately that's changed.

The other day I was having a conversation with a close friend. Those that know me can tell I'm a pretty open guy, and I'm pretty easy to read. Nevertheless I tend to keep my group of close, tight-knit friends relatively small. I have many friends that reside in the outer surface, but I'm quite picky on who makes it to the inner-core. We were talking about our accomplishments and goals and what drives us forward. He mentioned that one of his problems was seeing how fantastic his friends around him were in comparison to himself, which in turn made him feel quite inadequate. Sound familiar? He was feeling the exact same way that I had been feeling. What was ironic was that this particular friend was one of those whom I looked up to and considered much more adequate than myself.

From our little chat I had an apostrophe, er...should I say, epiphany (name the reference, clue on the left). I think our close friends consist of those that have similar goals and values as we do, so I told him that his friends weren't his friends because they were better than him, but rather they were friends with him because he was like them. I had been driving home from work when our conversation had taken place and when it was over I just sat in my car thinking on my own words. I realized that if he was great because of his friends, and that I also felt I had great friends, I had to place myself within that same realm of greatness. Now I say that not to be boastful in any way, but to provide a rise in self-esteem that was much needed.

I am by no means perfect, and neither are you. We all have little quirks that we notice about ourselves, and many times feel that we don't match up to the unreasonably high expectations we set for ourselves. We feel inadequate as we face the trials of life. Nevertheless we are of great worth. We just may have not yet reached our full potential yet. Still, it got me thinking about the difference between what makes people great, versus those that are just ordinary.

Make no mistake. This world is full of ordinary people. Ordinary people that will amount to little or nothing in the pages of history and sadly, their lives. Ordinary people that will go with the flow of life, rarely causing problems, but never resolving them. Ordinary people that are not thought to be called upon in a time of need. To me, such a life is depressing. However, all ordinary people have the potential to become great, or extra-ordinary. Extra-ordinary people are willing and able to do things that others simply cannot do. Extra-ordinary people do not settle for mediocrity, but strive for excellence. Extra-ordinary people rise to the occasion when called upon, and in consequence, are continuously improving their lives. They are constantly working towards progression.

Which one you become is completely up to you. I've decided that I wouldn't be content living an ordinary life. Complacency isn't something I feel is worth settling for, and neither should you. We were meant for greatness.

My Dad has a plaque posted above his computer with words from a motivational speaker. "If you'll do for two years of your life what most people WON'T do, you'll be able to do the rest of your life what most people CAN'T do." Makes sense doesn't it? Like the bodybuilder pushing to do one more rep, or the jogger pushing for one more mile, we need to push ourselves to productivity and we'll able to do what others don't have the ability to do.

Wow, I completely wasn't meaning to go off like that, but I suppose writing will do that. You learn a lot about how you think and feel when you write. In the end all I'm trying to say is that I hope my life will reflect the words of Robert Frost (don't give me your overanalytical viewpoint, just enjoy the words as they are); That when I saw two roads that diverge in the woods I can say I took the one less traveled, and that it's made all the difference.

If Robots Could Have Feelings

This is another word of the day, see if you can guess what the word was.

if robots could have feelings
and I tell you that they may.
they wouldn't care that much at all

for our word of the day.

they wouldn't harm us humans
as they're bound by the three laws,
but ask a simple inquiry
and you'll truly see their flaws
so formulate a question
with no 0's and no 1's
and you'll get a hidden message
meant for only Obi-wan.

The Psychedelic Fonzerelic Relic

One evening in the springtime, I though that I might die

I left my house in April, came back in late July
twas only s'posed to be a short trip in the night
but the psychedelic fonzerelic relic caught my eye

some say it came from fonzie, others from the psych
but good or bad it made me glad with colors of delight
Ne'er before had I seen a relic such as this
like Aladdin and his genie it fulfilled a grandest wish

Misadventures on a Halfpipe

I went skiing last Friday. Loved it. Had and interesting experience though. Parker thought it'd be fun to take a ride down the halfpipe. yeah, that thing right there -->

Of course I went, it's a matter of man-pride, the anything-you-can-do-I-can-do-better mentality that exists between guys. Parker went first, making sure not to get too much speed. The last thing he needed was to get in a wreck. Then it was my turn. I started down the trail, had a perfect drop into the pipe. Checked my speed and made the first turn. Checked my speed again and made the second turn, letting myself go a little faster. Made the third turn and made a big mistake. I didn't slow down at all. All I remember is facing the 20 foot giant straight on going what felt very fast.

I know what you're thinking...of course I didn't make it, haha. I just remember all of a sudden staring up at the twinkling stars in the sky. What happened? I got air. Not much, but apparently enough. I got up and started looking for my detached skis. Found one, but the other wasn't anywhere to be found. I thought it might have ended up further down the pipe, as that can happen if the ski ends up parallel to the hill. Nope, it wasn't there. Three guys were walking along the top of the halfpipe. Come to think of it, I could turn this into one of those fabled three Nephite stories. One of them yelled down to me, "aren't you glad we're up here?". Next thing I know he throws my ski down to me. It was on top of the halfpipe. How did it get there? The only way I can think it happened is when I got air, the back end of my ski got caught on the lip causing me to take a tumble and have my ski get stuck on top.

Well I managed to get both skis back on and headed down the rest of the slope. Oh, the entire time I was putting my skis back on people are dodging me cause I'm completely in the way.

I pulled up to where Parker was waiting and he was laughing a riot. The worst part is I totally didn't learn anything. I didn't get hurt in any way, so I wanted to do it again.

Don't worry, I didn't.

To Take a Penny, or Leave a Penny. That is the Question...

I tend to over-analyze things. Usually to the point of ridiculousness. This article is no exception. I want to talk about the take a penny, leave a penny tray. You know the ones I'm talking about...usually at gas stations right by the register. There's an entire wikipedia article related to it if you feel like catching up on something completely random...I did.

Sorry, I don't have a story where I went to pay for my gas and noticed a silver twinkle in my eye which, lo and behold, was a quarter in the take a penny tray. Nor do I want to talk about the complete unnecessity of such a contraption thanks to the invention of electronic transaction devices. Rather I want to talk of my love for the Take a penny, leave a penny tray...or at least the concept of it.

Conceptualized it's perfect. If I need a penny I'm free to take one. If I have extra, I'm free to give. That philosophy can be used on just about every situation in life and if carried out successfully will almost always lead to a Utopian lifestyle. A few of my friends have even talked about that sort of mindset in reference to a consecrated lifestyle in a society. I agree with them, but I don't want to talk about that too much here. Instead, what's been on my mind lately is having that sort of motto, to take a penny or leave a penny, in regard to our relationships with others.

I believe that in order to have a healthy relationship, you need proper balance. I'm using relationship in the general sense here, it doesn't have to be romantic. Problem: In our ever advancing technological world, balance can be a very hard thing to find. Employers and educators are demanding more of our time, not to mention the social obligations we have to our friends and family. It's a big emotional strain. Solution: That's why at many times we need to rely on others for support. Loved ones and true friends will always be willing to lend a listening ear, share thoughts of concern, or give a shoulder to cry on. We all need those at times, and I sincerely hope that you provide them at times as well. If you don't it puts things out of balance and in my opinion takes advantage of those that were generous enough to offer help. To go back to our analogy, the take a penny tray only works if pennies continue to be put in as they are taken out.

I like telling people that I feel we're all on an emotional roller-coaster, complete with all it's ups and downs. When someone we care about starts to descend, it's our responsibility to help lift them back up. The idea is that when we get a little down in the dumps ourselves, someone will be there to pick us back up.

That's what led me to write my thoughts on this subject. It seems to me lately that too many people tend to be trying to take pennies out of the tray, but are never willing to put a few in. The mindset of our society is leaning towards the philosophy of getting something they feel they deserve, even though they have done nothing to deserve it. While that might not be changing on a globalized level anytime soon, you can make sure that you don't think that way, or more importantly that you don't act that way.

In my ward I currently have two official callings. I was having a conversation with my friend in Provo and mentioned that to him. He said that that never happens in his ward, and that they've actually started to make up callings to accommodate all of the people. That got me thinking. My ward was the same way, at least as far as making up callings to give everybody some sense of responsibility. I told him that we weren't necessarily short of people, just dependable people. Don't get me wrong. I love my ward to death, and have met some of the best people I've ever known there...but still there's a division of those that are incredibly innovative, letting accomplishment be their motivation, versus those that simply go with the flow. The difference it between ordinary and extraordinary. His response hit hard. He said that life can be difficult for those that will work because many times they make up for the people that won't work.

Ability had little to do with it. Rather dependability. So do what you can, you'll get better with time. It's alright to rely on others, we all have to at some point, but don't let that be a crutch your entire life. We were not meant for mediocrity, but progression and improvement. Sometimes that means taking a few steps in the darkness before we find the light switch.

Back to our analogy...go ahead and take a few pennies when you need them, however, my simple challenge for myself and you is to become the type of person that leaves pennies in the tray; you never know who may need them.

Here's another word of the day poem. Don't ask where the stories come from, they pretty much write themselves.

it started as a simple feud that happened long ago
it started in a village town, then grew to fill the globe
a question of your loyalties, and knowing where they lie
whom do you serve? then ask yourself, are you prepared to die?
the onslaught waged on for many years, many lives were lost
and now we stay up wondering if it was worth such a great cost
there are no heroes in this tale, only broken hearts
and lessons that there is no hope, and breaks our lives apart...

STOP IT Grandpa you know that's not how the story goes.
The hero comes and saves the day and vanquishes his foes,
he comes riding in on valiant steed, with courage, steel, and might!
and makes the bad guys run away, and flee into the night

at last he gets the princess, together they run far away

and legend has it he’ll return when we need him someday.
and history will remember him for bravery and love
by placing his picture in the sky, within the stars above

Ok, so that’s the finished version I came up with. The word was Onslaught. The following is what I started with, and it came from reading about 3 hours of live updates about apple’s new iPad…

It’s my alternate nerdy ending...

it started as a simple feud that happened long ago

it started in a village town, then grew to fill the globe
a question of your loyalties, and knowing where they lie
whom do you serve? then ask yourself, are you prepared to die?
the war waged on for many years, many lives were lost
the onslaught wasn't tragic though, since they were all robots
build by two nerdy, weathly men, a war between two mobs
and history tries to forget the day Bill Gates took on Steve Jobs

Everybody has a different Rock and Roll face

I can prove it too. Last Friday I was asked to take pictures at our stake's valentine's dance. I'm not the biggest fan of dances, yet alone one that was destined to remind myself of how single I am. As you can bet, I wasn't too excited. That excitement changed quite dramatically though when a girl in my ward told me that the theme was "Love Rocks" and that they were going to have rock band guitars and drumsticks for everyone to pose with at my photo booth. I can live with that. Here are a few pictures from that night. All I did was ask them to show me how they rock out. Enjoy! ;)

Honestly I don't even know who half of these people are, but I sure love that they don't mind acting posing like they belong in the big haired 80's.

Wintry, Frosty Air of Night

About 3 days out of they work week a friend sends me a "word of the day". My job is to somehow use it creatively in a form of literature, a sentence, or clever wordplay, but usually poetry. The following poem is from the word critique. Not perfect, but I really like it all the same.

pale blue moon that shines so bright,
wintry, frosty, air of night
will you ever go away?
but alas I know you won’t today.
though you chill my bones so cold
and feel that I am getting old

I will survive, for all is well

thou goest, bitter air, to hell
I am not scared or filled with fright
oh wintry, frosty, air of night
for in my mind, a glowing fire
with one I love of beauty higher.
and though I am so far away
and have to leave and cannot stay
my love for her is still unique
it's something that you can't critique
for I will love her for all time
and maybe someday make her mine

yet 'til that day, I face your plight
oh wintry, frosty air of night

The High-Five Heard Around the World

Ok I'll admit it. I'm in a singles ward. Shut up. I've come to grow quite fond of it too, though I never thought I would. I used to think it had a lot to do with the interaction of people my age, being around people that are at the same point in life. I also used to think it had a lot to do with the maturity level of the group. Perhaps it was the pot luck meals every other week, or even the cute girl sitting across the chapel that I didn't dare go talk to.

I was wrong.

Even though those are all things that make the experience more enjoyable, I'd have to say one of my favorite parts about being in a singles ward (or at least my singles ward) is watching the socially awkward moments people have. Now I don't say that to be mean. Face it, we all have those moments (granted, some more than others), but I can usually find something comical to watch each week. It's not the end of the world when it happens. Nevertheless, when you get the nerve to finally ask that amazingly beautiful girl for her phone number and trip on your shoelace as you're walking over to talk to her...I hope I'm there to watch. Not to be mean, just to enjoy the moment, because in the future such a trivial event will have no meaning other than to make us smile.

That being said I've had plenty of socially awkward moments of my own, so I figure it's only fair if I share some of them with you. I used to have the mindset that my "life is a tale told by an idiot", a line fondly taken from Shakespeare's Macbeth. I've since realized two things. If my life really were to be written by an idiot, since I have control over my life, I am that idiot. Secondly, we all have had our awkward moments, and know we will have many in the future. Perhaps we're all idiots telling our own story and some just have better memories or are better storytellers than others. Either way the following story is deserving of such a lengthy introduction as I get asked to tell it to just about everybody I meet. I don't know if I've ever felt as awkward, and know I'll try hard as heck to make sure I don't make the same mistake again. It's the story of "the high-five heard around the world", or simply "the high-five story". It is completely true too, which makes it all that more sad.

Dances in high school fit into one of two categories for a student. Either you're excited to go, or you could care less. Surprisingly I found myself on the more excited side of the fence and was planning on having a blast. Now, I'm not claiming by any means to understand the female mind. To do so would be a scientific accomplishment beyond our years. However, I do imagine that guys and girls are excited for such social events for different reasons. Girls probably get excited about the cute dress they're going to wear, what colors they're going use, or how they're going to do their hair. Guys' excitement can be contained in one word. I don't even have to give you a clue. "girls". I of course was excited for this too, and I feel I had good reason. After all, Felicia (names have most definitely been changed) was one of the cutest girls I had any association with in high school. To this day I don't remember how I asked her out, just that it was unreasonably complex (as was the style at the time), and that she agreed to go with me.

Amidst conversations with friends at school we founded our group for the day date. I think there was probably around 12 of us. For the most part I remember it being a fantastic date. We danced, got our pictures taken (they still look good to this day), even went back to Parker's house to watch a movie afterwards. The date was great. Dropping her off? Not so much.


I drove that night, so it was me and Felicia in the front with Parker and his date in the back. I can still picture it in my head right now, cruising down 5400 S. in my '87 Maroon Corsica. That car needs an article of it's own. It was set up with a candy dispenser, spring-loaded doors, and lawn mower handle handles. Pimpin'.


We pulled into Felicia's neighborhood. It made sense to drop her off first since it was on the way. Her porch was covered in green turf, you couldn't miss it. I pulled part way into her driveway when suddenly I felt a big throb in my heart. I'd consider it normal for a guy to be a bit shy or nervous around a cute girl, especially the anticipation leading up to any interaction with them, but usually that subsides after spending 15 minutes with them, let alone 6 hours or so. So to have this sudden onslaught of butterfly stomach and accelerated heart beat didn't make any sense. I slowly got out of my car and walked to open her door and let her out. I took a quick glance in Parker direction whose face had a sinisterish evil look...not like he was going to do something, but as if he knew I'd look like an idiot all on my own. It only added to my nervousness.

As she was getting out of the car I looked over my shoulder to see her porch. There it was. Nothing unordinary or nothing askew. Just four normal steps covered in that green turf and an incandecent bulb to light the way. Why did I get so nervous? Was it the food I ate? Am I gonna spew all over her driveway, or her porch, or worse...her? No. Physically I was fine. She's out of the car by now and we're slowly making our way to her front door. I'm carrying leftovers from dinner, she has her purse. Back in Parker's direction. Now he has more of a snickering look as he whispers something to his date that I can't quite make out. His date starts to laugh. For those of you in an older generation I could have sworn the dog from duck hunt that pops up when you miss was there laughing at me too. Were they talking about me? Was it something I did, or was going to do?

By now we're heading up the stairs. I hand her the leftovers as she immediately puts it on the ground with her purse. What does this mean? Suddenly I realized why I was so nervous. How much of a move was I going to make? I'd taken Felicia out a few times before, but never anything serious, more of just having fun with a friend. Was I going to try and change that? I looked at her food on the ground, it didn't look like it was in any hurry to get inside. Parker and his date were still having a great time observing my obvious uncomfort. Then Felicia pulls out her keys. Now if you've seen Will Smith in "Hitch" you'll know you can judge a girl by what she does with her keys...does she put in the door as a quick escape from the porch scene? Or does she jingle them as if to say, "hey, I'm in no rush".

I got the jingle.

I didn't know what to do, and I bet I made her a tad uncomfortable by just standing there observing my surroundings. It wasn't blatantly obvious that I felt awkward, but it wasn't exactly hidden like Waldo either (yeah, take a break and click the picture to find Waldo, you know you want to). Parker and his date are still having a great time watching, the food on the ground is happy, Keys are jingling, Felicia is smiling...waiting. Another line from "Hitch", "90 and 10". If I so choose to venture for the porch scene kiss I was only allowed to go 90% of the way...she had to go the remaining 10%. By now my nerves are stacked up like a tower of jenga blocks ready to tumble at the slightest prod.

Everything must have come crashing down pretty hard, something must have snapped, because all of my previous thoughts had to have occurred in about 10 seconds or so...then nothing. Blank.

I don't know why I did what I did next, it really didn't make any sense. Did I force a kiss to ultimately get rejected? No. Did I go for a hug despite the obvious awkwardness? No. Did I go for the least of all known social interactions at the end of date and shake her hand goodnight? No, not even that...much worse. A high five. My held high in the air waiting for hers. The confused look on her face could only have been topped by mine. Of all the options I had available, of all the things at my disposal, why a high five? If ever I felt like my life was a story being told by an idiot, it was then.

She gave me the high five with a clap that was heard around the world. I imagine it must have been quite painful to watch for as I slowly turned to retreat back to my car Parker and his date were no longer laughing. Only a stern look of shock. Felicia, obviously confounded by the events that had just transpired, now worked her way back into her house. I walked the green mile back to my car along her turf covered porch.

Nothing was said in the car. A moment of silence for my manhood. Parker dropped his date off. Of course after seeing what I had just done he wasn't going to make the same mistake. As he got back into my car we started our ritualistic post date chat. You know, kinda like Jerry and George on Seinfeld. We were trying to figure out why I choked...I mean, not even a hug? Sadness. We came to no conclusion, but Parker decided it'd be best to never speak of that night again. I concurred.

Honestly I was over it that night thinking, "well that sucked, but oh well...such is life" right? It wasn't until six months later that we realized the true damage of that night's events. One of our friends (just so happened to be Parker's date from earlier) was getting ready to leave for college, moving away from our crowd. She went around our group giving everybody a big hug. She got to Parker and me, and I'll never forget what I heard next. "Oh Parker and Cody, I'm going to miss you guys, but I'll give you a high five because I know you don't like hugs". I couldn't believe it, I was in no way not a fan of hugs. In fact, I like hugs. Who doesn't? I tried to figure out where she would have thought of such a random falsity. At that moment Parker and I realized where it had come from. The high-five night. Somehow my fumbling idiocy was portrayed as a disinterest for physical contact. What's worse, the fallacy encompassed Parker as well and we were both left with weakened reputations, at least until things got straightened out.

It's long been fixed since that fateful night, but I know I'll never forget it. The next time you see me and give me a high five, I bet you start laughing. It's happened before. ;)

Update:

So the other night I went to a friend's show in Provo at the Velour. Felicia was there. I was reminded of this story and ventured to ask if she remembered that fateful night on her porch...she didn't. Oh well...